What an interesting topic, isn’t it? Do not be wasteful! This is more like a reflective piece for me than anything else. I hope that you learn a thing or two from this.

As 2020 came to a beautiful end, it dawned on me how wasteful I had been in previous years including 2020. I was sitting down reflecting and the reality of the situation washed over me. I immediately felt very sad. A little background story is that as 2020 was ending, we (praying with Pastor M tribe) were praying for the year 2021. One of our prayer points was for seeing eyes, hearing ears and a heart craving understanding. I believe that as I kept praying this prayer, I actually started seeing and things were beginning to make sense to me.

I am sure at this point; you are probably wondering what I could have possibly wasted. I have wasted IDEAS! Yes, a lot of ideas. A lot of instructions. I realised that 2020 might have been a year of unveiling for me. It had been in the works for years. But guess what, I had refused to align myself with God’s plans for me. I had let my low self-esteem get in the way of being used by God. So please dears, if you see me walking along the street chanting ‘For God has not given me the spirit of fear but the spirit of power, love and of a sound mind.’ Just leave me abeg. E get why! I need to keep reminding myself because I make wrong decisions when I am blinded by my lack of self-confidence. Let me share from my reservoir.

If you know me and we have ever had a deep discussion about the state of the country (Nigeria), then it is possible that you have heard me talk about starting a Youth Platform. It is a project God laid in my heart years ago. But guess what I did with it? Talk! I talked and talked and never really did anything about. Time and time again, the vision would come alive in my heart, like something on fire. And I would TALK about it passionately for the period and do nothing more. Through constant talk, I had at least come up with the structure for how it would work. But I constantly told myself that I could not create let alone lead a full fledged youth platform. The plan was for it to grow into being partly a political party as well.

The fire came alive again in my chest while I was in Law School (2017/2018). I think this time I wrote the vision down but again I did not really do anything about it. Guess what again? Early 2020 the vision started burning again in my heart with urgency this time. I could not understand why but as with every time it happens; I give myself a hundred reasons why I could not do it. If only I anticipated the ENDSARS protest. If only I anticipated what was in front. If only I anticipated what the year had in stock. If only I submitted to the will of God. What if like Mordecai said about Esther, this was why I had been given the vision.

To tell you the level of urgency, the name of a someone to talk to dropped in my heart. Before you stone me, I actually messaged her about it. I knew she was busy with a lot of things. So, I did partial obedience. You know, I messaged the person, but I did not really follow up with it. I hope you know that partial obedience is disobedience. I had been stubborn and disobedient for years. Merely taking baby steps for such a great vision. How could I have been so lackadaisical about this mission?

Imagine the divine position 2020 would have given the platform if I had started it as at when I was to? If I had stopped questioning God and just did it? If I stopped defending myself before His court as to how unqualified I am? He is the one that qualifies who He calls not the other way around. Now I wish I had listened. Now I wish that I had moved with urgency. Now all I can do is wish. I do not know if I will ever feel that fire again. Because really when you remain adamant, you will stop hearing things. You will start looking for the things and won’t find them. Hence, I started this year asking God to use me afresh. But really why should He? He reminded me year after year, and I gave flimsy excuses. Now who my excuses help?

I am sorry but that is just one of the ideas that I wasted. Let me further confess. The next idea I wasted was starting a delivery company. A few years ago, I was inspired to start a delivery company. See ehn I had a different excuse this time. You see this time it wasn’t because I was not self-confident. The excuse this time was that I did not have the resources to execute the plan. I remember sitting down at the dining table gisting my mum about the idea I had. But for every picture I painted, I was quick to add why it was not a feasible plan. I was busy telling myself that I am thinking big scale. I forgot the principle of actually taking a step. I forgot to start small and let it grow. Somehow, I thought I had to have everything in abundance before I started it out. I remember even asking myself, why are my ideas always so capital intensive? If I could go back to slap myself to reality, I probably will.

Again, just look at how 2020 was. Everybody started engaging in online buying. I mean with the lockdown it was the only logical thing to do. Imagine how the delivery company could again have been divinely positioned. If only I had started it. But I was too carried away with the big goal that I forgot it was made up of smaller goals. What if I stepped forward and actually bought just one bike? Interestingly, when I got this idea, delivery companies were not as rampant as they are today. But as usual, I wasted it. I sat on it and looked pretty doing so. (tears).

See ehn let me cry a little. I will drop part 2 next week. So, make sure your stick around.

Stay blessed!! And please do not waste instructions. If you have received one right now, run with it. Do not join me to be writing reflective piece a few months from now o.

Queen N


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